To blog or to stop

A lot had happened and I didn't blog about them.
It has been so long that it feels almost strange to be writing this.
In the past, this blog had been an outlet for me to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences as they happened. This year, it almost seem like nothing had happened when I did not blog.

Many times, I talked in my head as if I was blogging, but I did not blog in reality.
Not about how difficult it was for Huzaifah to adapt in the new school, of his 'keluar sekolah' episodes and how we had to meet and discuss with the school's headmistress and different teachers to sort stuff out.
Not about how adventurous Humaidi had grown to be - so much so that it has been 3 times that he had to be fetched from the police station and I've lost count of 'missing' episodes in shopping malls when I had to seek help from security officers to help me find him.
Not about the 'supernatural' disturbance at home that caused upset as much as fear.
Not about the arrival of our fourth addition to the family, Muhammad Aqil Hazim, in June.
Not about the death of my biological mother, Ummi, on the day baby Aqil turned 5 months.
This year, there was no entry on my birthday, on my children's birthdays or  on our 7th wedding anniversary.

I am pondering now - whether to keep on blogging or to say adieu for good...
After all, I had already missed blogging for almost one whole year...

Mak buyung

Remember when I was pregnant with Humaidi and people had trouble telling that I was actually carrying a baby in my tummy?

Back then, at 6 months pregnant, I looked like this:

I didn't even have to wear a materity jeans. That pair I wore in the above pictures is a normal pair of jeans, not a maternity pair with extended spandex panel.

Fast forward 4 years later and this is how I look being almost 6 months pregnant with the 4th child:

(Ya, bola yang dipikul dan perut yang di depan sudah hampir sama bulatnya)

(Dah, dah, lepas ni dah tak boleh pakai baju kurung. Sila keluarkan uniform ye, puan...)

Yup, I weigh more now than I used to weigh at full term with Humaidi or Huzaifah...

Conteng conteng

"Ujai tolong cuci kat sini," he said, pointing to a purple blot of circular scribble.
"Ibu cuci kat atas ni," he pointed to another a lot larger black circular-and-longitudinal scribble.
I passed a small scouring pad to him with a dash of Cif on it and agreed, "Okay".

His father had asked him to clean up the wall after he scribbled on it before, so Huzaifah usually is more reserved about scribbling on the wall compared to his younger brothers. He knows that it is no easy task to scrub the wall and he knows that it's not that we are angry with him scribbling - it's just that we don't like him and his brothers scribbling on the wall, because it makes the house look dirty and uncared for.

For a child of 5, I think Huzaifah has been showing lots of potential to be a responsible big brother. When I had no bibik to help around, he would assist with picking up the laundry from the clothes line. As I fold the clothes, he would help with finding matching socks or t-shirt-and-pants pairs. If I had to mediate and divide toys such as bulding blocks between Humaidi and Haniyya, Huzaifah would ensure that his brothers play fair, by being the level-playing big brother. For instance if I had given some blocks to Haniyya and Humaidi took them away, Huzaifah would make it up by giving other blocks to Haniyya - to Humaidi's chagrin of course, but to my pleasure as I observe how Huzaifah has developed a sense of fairness and respect the notion of sharing.

I know that he hasn't been given any task by the current bibik who claimed that he only 'kacau' her in carrying out chores. I wish she would give him more chances to prove his worth, but then again, I guess that's part of the price we pay when we are not stay-at-home-mom.

Anyway, can anybody share tips to avoid young children from scribbling on the wall? Like most young children I know, my sons are no exception to the "whee-the-wall-is-clean-let's-doodle-on-it" syndrome. Like most caretakers of young children, we - bibik, hubby and I - didn't always manage to stop the boys in time from doodling and scribbling on the wall. We usually offer the alternative of scribbling in books - note books, activity books, colouring books. But for some unfathomable reason, they always prefer scribbling on the wall. Or on the floor. Or on any other surfaces - the dining table, dining chairs, bed sheet, fridge, washing machine, sofa - but for on paper. Duh.

Not that we don't have any white board in the house, but the boys, especially Humaidi, could be unpredictable at times, and there are reasons to worry about the kids' safety should one decide to just topple down the white board for fun.

I know that scribbling is good for the kids - it helps to express their creativity , raise their confidence, improve their eye-hand coordination, develop their imagination bla, bla, bla. And to be honest, I kind of enjoy looking at their scribbles too - 'flowers' that resembled Godzilla head, "sun" which was scribbled with black crayon instead of the cheery yellow or orange, assorted dots and scratches in multiple colors that resembled sweets and candies. It's just that I wish they would enjoy scribbling in books rather than on the wall or the floor or any other supposedly 'off-limit' surfaces.

Bibik claimed that she's been cleaning the wall a few weeks ago, but the scribbles refused to fade.
"Bibik guna apa buat cuci dinding?"
"Saya guna clorox. Banyak pun, tapi tak hilang-hilang juga"
"Tak payah guna clorox Bik, guna krim kuning ni," I pointed to Cif, the lemon cream cleanser formerly known as Jif.
(The truth is, I doubted that she actually did any wall-scrubbing since there was no left-over smell of Clorox when she said she did, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt)

When she complained again last night about the wall being an eye-sore with all the colourful scribbles made with crayons, colour pencils and marker, I just took a scouring pad and Cif and started scrubbing the wall, beginning with the one closest to the front door. Bibik quickly followed suit by 'rinsing' the freshly-scrubbed wall with a wet towel.

The house still currently smells strongly of Cif. Like it ocassionally does everytime we have a wall-scrubbing session. In fact last night, there was an incident when Haniyya scribbled on a freshly-scrubbed wall, which meant I had to re-scrub it.

Hmm, wonder when will they learn that it's okay to scribble, but not on the wall?

I agree, this is not funny

When it started getting attention in Malaysian blogs, FB and Twitter, I prayed that it would not reach too much further.

Then, the CNN picked up on it. It made many of us went "uh oh".
I was still hoping that it would not reach the majority of the Japan population who prefer Japanese medium news.

Today, it made headlines in Japan news.

Even I in Malaysia feel so embarrassed by this, I can't imagine what it is like for Malaysians who are working and studying in Japan to be questioned about this by their Nihonjin peers...
It is definitely not a laughing matter.
Not funny. At all.

Nihonjin Sugoi!

Before anyone get the wrong idea that I care more about what had happened in Japan compared to what is taking place in Middle East due to my blog entry after a long hiatus, well, the only explanation I can give was that I was busy with preparation for a big event (for us in the office anyway) held in end of February. Hubby cancelled our broadband subscription at about the same time, so I could not blog from home. And even when we had the mobile broadband, he was always taking it with him to places, which also meant that I could not blog from home... Okay, enough with my excuses...

Anyway, I came across this touching entry on FB by Jun Shiomitsu and could not help thinking how different things might be if such jishin and tsunami hit Malaysia. And by 'different' - I am thinking more towards the unbecoming...

"At a supermarket where everything was scattered everywhere over the floors, shoppers were helping pick them up and putting them back neatly on the shelves before quietly moving into line to wait to pay for them... Everyone there was mindful of others, buying only as much as they needed and leaving the rest for the people behind them"

No looting, no robbery. Customers were very civilised, not greedily grabbing everything on the shelves. The shops continue selling things for normal price, sometimes even giving out discounts and distribute free food to the customers.

(Yup, let's not even try to compare to what happened when there was a rice spill on the road due to an accident in Malaysia...)

(or the infamous 'kutip syiling atas jalan' incident)

"Cars were moving at the rate of maybe one every green light, but everyone was letting each other go first with a warm look and a smile. At a complicated intersection, the traffic was at a complete standstill for 5 minutes, but I listened for 10 minutes and didn’t hear a single beep or honk except for an occasional one thanking someone for giving way"

"More than 1,000 cars lined up in front of a local gas station. As the gas station's supply was short, it only sold fuel worth 2,000 yen per vehicle"

(The scenario of long queues at petrol stations, impatient honking, blocking, petrol hogging etc, everytime a price hike on petrol is announced in Malaysia immediately came to mind)

"...people standing in line, not pushing or shoving to get onto the train, even at a time like this"

(It would be a miracle to see such organized long queues in Malaysia's train/LRT station)

Stories about parents searching for their child or children looking for their parent or partners searching for their other halves really serve as an effective reminder of how scary it is going to be in the hereafter... While there are lessons that we can learn from Nihonjin, let's make do'a that they too will be led closer to the Creator, who keep providing strength and sustenance in this trying time...

They will rise again

Picture from The New York Times

"Do we know anybody in Sendai?", asked hubby.
"Luqman used to live in Sendai, but he's been back for past one year or so"
"Do we know anybody in Iwate?"
"Hafiz, but he's back in Malaysia too, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, Abang Azrain's son Firdhaus is in Iwate..."
"Have we heard from him?"
"No, but the Malaysian Embassy have issued a statement saying that all government-sponsored students in the areas hit by the tsunami and jishin are okay..."
"Have we heard from other friends in other cities?"
"I've read from FB that the jishin in Tokyo lasted longer and stronger than the 'normal' ones like we used to experience..."

Our thoughts, prayers and wishes are with Japan and the people in Japan right now for a speedy recovery. Not only Japan, the whole world was shaken by the calamity due to the devastating tsunami and jishin. When we were living in Tokyo, we had heard of the prediction of the Big One - a massive earthquake - coming. Alhamdulillah, we left before it actually happened, but never in our mind we imagined that it would be this massive - 8.9- magnitude, the strongest in Japan's history, causing more than 350,000 to be homeless, and perhaps more than 10,000 death toll.   


It was utterly heartbreaking to see houses, shop lots, offices, cars, trucks and ships being swept away by the tsunami, causing whole town or village to be wiped off the map in the blink of an eye. And now, with the nuclear troubles, it is no wonder at all that this might be after all, just what Prime Minister Naoto Kan described - Japan's “worst crisis since World War II.”

Still, if there is something I've learned about the Japanese during the three years I called Tokyo 'home', they will rise again, insya Allah. With their strong discipline, their never-back-down "gambare" spirit, they will
pick through what little was left in the rubble and start building again. Relentlessly. Resiliently.

Asim is 2!

Alhamdulillah, Haniyya turned 2 today.
2 years since that long, long day I waited in the ante-natal ward in PPUM when it took hours for him to be ready to come out of Ibu's tummy.

I remembered being placed in front of a 1st timer mother-to-be who asked me "Akak tak sakit ke? Nampak akak relaks je" Hah, if only you knew! Maybe she came to that conclusion because I was not moaning aloud and still managed to read a magazine. The truth was, I was in pain, but I concentrated on reciting lots of zikr and sometimes I walked all around the ward to help lessen the pain. The pain did not really go away, this is not a fairy-tale world after all, but at least I got some distraction. The contractions were not that far apart all day long, my back was in deep pain but the opening was slow to grow. It was 1 cm at 9.30 in the morning, 2 cm at 2.30 p.m, 4 cm at 8.00 p.m.

By 9.45 p.m., the opening had grown to 8cm, so I was wheeled down to the labour room at around 10.00 p.m. A doctor helped broke my waterbag, but something didn't feel quite right. I was left alone in the labour room, "Lama lagi kot ni, bukaan tak berapa besar", the doctor said before leaving me. But as it had happened with both Haniyya's elder brother, once the waterbag was broken, it wasn't long before I was ready to give birth. I felt a sudden urge to push, and I knew it was time - but I was alone in the labour room. To make things worse, the bell ringer which was supposed to be placed next to me in case I need to call for assistance was nowhere to be found. I decided to call out in a loud voice.

"Doktor... Doktor..."

No answer.

"Doktor...DOKTORRRR"
I increased my tone by a few decibels

A nurse passing by heard me and walked into the room.
"Ya puan... Oh, puan dah nak bersalin ya? Kejap, saya panggil doktor ya"

A trainee doctor came in but when the two nurses who came with her prompted her to get ready since "hah, dah nampak dah kepala baby tu", she claimed that she had no experience with delivering a baby, so she went to get a 'real doctor' for me. The two nurses immediately started to get ready for a delivery. And it wasn't long before Dr Stephanie stepped in to help delivering the baby.

And then, another senior doctor stepped in. Reading the baby heartbeat monitor, she advised me, "Cepat sikit ye, anak puan dah distressed ni"

Yet at the same time, Dr Stephanie was asking me to "jangan push dulu, sekejap ya puan.. "

I was confused. I was fuddled. I wasn't sure which advice I should heed.
But Haniyya could not wait anymore.
It happened so fast that I overheard Dr Stephanie later described it as a "combustion expulsion" to her colleague.
One push and slussshhhh... he was out.
All 3.75kg of him.

*****

2 years later, Haniyya is still the baby in the family.
When Huzaifah turned 2, Humaidi was already 5 months old.
When Humaidi turned 2, Haniyya was almost 2 months old.
Panjang umur murah rezeki, Haniyya will get his younger sibling in July, insya Allah...